Beautiful

I was very touched by Peter Lovenheim’s piece on neighbors in the NYT today. After a local tragedy where a man killed his wife and then himself, Lovenheim decided that he wanted to get to know his neighbors better. He discusses staying over with an elderly widower and helping form a community to support another neighbor with cancer. It takes courage to reach out to people like that.

According to social scientists, from 1974 to 1998, the frequency with which Americans spent a social evening with neighbors fell by about one-third. Robert Putnam, the author of “Bowling Alone,” a groundbreaking study of the disintegration of the American social fabric, suggests that the decline actually began 20 years earlier, so that neighborhood ties today are less than half as strong as they were in the 1950s.

We’re fortunate in that the area outside of our house is a quiet cul de sac, and families with kids tend to congregate there in the early evening. So I get to talk to the neighbors. But although I know their names and their kids names I can’t say that I know any of them particularly well. There’s only one neighbor (immediately next door) whose house we’ve been into, and who have been in our house. I keep vaguely thinking of inviting other neighbors in for coffee, but never get around to it. I want to do something about that.

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Added later: It occurred to me during the day that I’ve been struck in the past by how rarely I meet neighbors outdoors.

When Shrijnana and I returned from Ethiopia we were rather disturbed by that lack of outdoor activity, even in lovely spring weather. While in Ethiopia you’ll see people outdoors all the time, just hanging around, or walking, even miles from the nearest town, we got back and realized that our neighborhood (a condo complex of 100 dwellings) resembled a scene from 28 Days Later. You do see people outdoors, but it’s the odd person walking a dog or walking to or from their car, for the most part. And there are the gatherings outside our house, although they don’t happen ever day.

Sometimes in the evening, after dinner, we’ll go for a walk by the river that’s just behind our house. It’s delightful. But unbelievably quiet. Often we’ll see no other people at all, even on warm and pleasant summer evenings. Some people are probably having dinner, but I guess most are watching television. Or both! How sad.

2 Responses to “Beautiful”

1. Rob says:

   June 27, 2008 at 9:56 pm

   I think our isolation brought on by the American over emphasis on independence, self reliance and individualism also is a reason as to why the rising price of oil is such a threat to our economy. With so many cars on the road, at any time of the day, there is bound to be someone going aproximately from where we are at to approximately where we are going. We could drastically reduce our dependece on oil with simple car pooling which would take some rigorous networking as well as getting to know the neighbors. With our very own literal physical neighbors, there are definitely some errands that can be syncronized fairly easily and car pooled such as grocery shopping.

   I suggested this to some ladies at work and they thought I was crazy man. But it’s very possible given the zillions of cars on the road every day. It’s just not possible with our frame of mind. I’m quite sure that If I called the neighbor lady and asked her if she wanted to go grocery shopping, she’d think I was a little odd.
2. bodhipaksa says:

   July 4, 2008 at 9:03 am

   I just came across this ride-sharing site. Not much use to me since I work at home, but it may be handy for other people.