Breaking News: McCain Ditches Palin, Announces New Running Mate

I bring exclusive footage of McCain’s new running mate discussing international affairs. Thank goodness Palin will no longer be around to embarrass us with her nonsensical claims that living close to Russia and building an oil pipeline give her foreign policy experience, or her complete cluelessness about the Bush Doctrine. Now we can have a real foreign policy wonk by McCain’s side — and she’s even younger and prettier than Palin, so republican voters are guaranteed to rally around and support her.